April Newsletter :: 'The present law of divorce ...hardly fit for purpose'

-“Our methods are out of date, expensive, uncivilised and inefficient.”  - High Court Judge
-“Divorce is like a fairground” 
-“There is help - am not on my own…”

Welcome 

First some news from the divorce legal professionals, which was pretty much obscured by the other gloomy headlines of jittery stock markets, falling house prices and the impact of the credit crunch. 

“Our methods are out of date, expensive, uncivilised and inefficient.”  - High Court Judge

These were the words of a family lawyer on behalf of Resolution, James Stewart, quoted in the Observer last month just before the announcement that the McCartney Mills settlement was made public.  “With more than 300,000 people divorcing this year, costing £28,000 per couple, more and more people are attempting to represent themselves in the court room.  

Despite huge changes in family life and social attitudes, there have been few changes to the law in the 33 years between Ringo Starr’s divorce in 1975 and Paul McCartney’s divorce now” he said, “Our methods are out of date, expensive, uncivilised and inefficient.” 

No surprises there then to the many thousands of people who have struggled through divorce in recent years. But what I found amazing was the keynote speech by a High Court judge Mr Justice Coleridge entitled in the press release: 

“High Court Judge warns family breakdown is as big a threat to national life as global warning.”

Far more members of the public are likely to be involved in the family justice system than any other part of the national court or justice system, according to Mr Justice Coleridge at the Resolution conference on 5 April 2008. These are mostly ordinary and frequently tax paying people who now find themselves caught up in family breakdown.

“…they turn to the system (which is paid for by their taxes) to find it overstretched to the point of collapse and acutely and chronically underfunded at all points. Delays are rife in every part of the system through lack of resources. And delay, as we all know, exacerbates all the problems and compounds the stress. And, just to make matter worse, the present substantive law of divorce, and financial division and the law relating to the property of unmarried couples (other than gay ones) administered by the courts is out of date, hardly fit for purpose and crying out for a thorough overhaul.'

Sobering words indeed but confirmation from top family lawyers that the family legal process is in chaos with the blame being firmly attached to the governments of the last 30 years. People who have experienced family breakdown - and those who have been close to people who have - won't be surprised. But what can they do to help themselves in an increasingly chaotic family justice system?

Mr Justice Coleridge proposed putting family breakdown and family justice at the top of the political agenda and deploying 'very significant resources of manpower and money' and making the reforms necessary to bring divorce law into the modern world.  

What can the 150K couples per year who are experiencing family breakdown do to help themselves through such a difficult time, not to mention those who aren't married but have many of the same issues to confront and overcome? My advice would be: 

• to read and learn as much as you can about what you’re about to go through so that you take control;   
• speak to specialist relationship, child and divorce experts about all the issues which arise, don’t just expect your family lawyer to sort out all your problems;   
• learn what your family lawyer and family law can and can’t do;   
• be financially aware and realistic.     

Read more about these articles in the Observer here and the High Court Judge Mr Justice Coleridge’s speech by clicking the link to Resolution's media page here .

“Divorce is like a fairground with ups and downs, swings and roundabouts. These workshops help you slow the fairground down”

For those who simply can’t wait until the government brings divorce law into the modern world, and want and need more immediate action to alleviate their own, their friend's or families’ pain, (or even their client’s family breakdown problems) they could participate in the One-Stop Divorce Workshop where they will be encouraged to stay out of court if they can; to work out what their joint needs are and those of their children and to save precious family assets and preserve emotional well-being.  

At the last workshop in our pleasant new Wimbledon venue on 29 March we were delighted to be joined by Lorraine Schaffer , Director of the Centre for Mediation and Conflict Resolution at the Institute of Family Therapy. Lorraine is a key player behind a new initiative of Parent information Groups called Children in Mind  to offer courses to separating and divorcing parents in the UK to highlight the challenges and changes which breaking up can bring for both parents and children.

The 3 hour Children in Mind course is for any parent whether facing, going through or post-divorce who is worried about doing their best for their children and wishing to help the family move forwards. Learn: 

- To talk to your children about separation and divorce; 

- The effects of this life changing event on children and adults; 

- Practical ideas on developing a co-operative parenting relationship with your ex-partner; 

- How to deal with less than ideal situations.  

The Children in Mind course costs £40 at the Institute of Family Therapy, London NW1 and there are two dates to enable parents to attend at different times: 

- Tuesday 29 April  

- Thursday 1 May 

The next workshop is on 31 May in Hampton. Book soon for both as places are limited. 

You are also invited to the o ptional mini workshop called ‘What now, what next’ by Jennie Bolt founder of Coaching Your Potential  Jennie’s ‘What now, what next’ mini workshop about reducing the emotional impact of divorce at 2pm on Saturday 31 May for all who wish to attend (£10 contribution includes lunch) and give feedback. It will be a supportive and upbeat experience which provide opportunities to explore the options open from family arrangements, career and the all important ’me’ time. Limited places available. Drop me a line if you wish to attend both. 

“There is help - am not on my own…” 

The jigsaw pieces of the last 2 years and more are fitting together and I can see where our services fit into each other and the real value they are offering to help people save money and progress faster. This is no more evident than from the testimonials we receive, such as the one above. 

I am working now with legal, coaching and business supervision to make sure the services we’re offering (and the rate at which we can expand and add to our network - e.g. look out for workshops coming in Brighton soon!) are the very best. 

Drop me an email or call if you need the fog cleared. And stay subscribed, because in the next newsletter I’ll be writing about the new 1-2-1 services we’re offering under the itsMYdivorce brand which include courtroom support, McKenzie Friend support and emotional help. The sites are taking shape here www.itsMYdivorce.co.uk and www.myMcKenziefriend.co.uk 

Unable to attend the workshops?  

We have reduced the price of our highly acclaimed How to Successfully Split divorce eCourse to £25 to reach more readers. Sent over seven parts and two weeks, it will help you see there really is a way forward and that it is possible to have a best possible divorce - and an inexpensive one. Click here to read more and order on-line and start learning about your options through divorce in the comfort of your own home. 

The Best of the Rest 

Brand new - Mummo  Jo Rheam founder of Mummo writes: Mummo is meant for any mum who wants to feel good about herself and her life. Why? Because we believe that happy mums make for happy families. We’re excited about enabling mums to connect, communicate and collaborate with each other, because we’re expecting great things to happen as a result. Social networking - social enterprise - social impact. Mummo. Making mums happier. 

Divorce 'Stories' for Journalists 

We’re ever sensitive to the fact that most people having a hard time won’t want to 'go public' with their divorce stories. But some people, especially once they are on the other side, are happy to talk about their experiences, perhaps as a way of helping fit pieces of the jigsaw into place, or to help others. 

So this Story for a Journalist page has been developed for people who are happy to 'share' their divorce stories for whatever reason. It might be to help others; it might be to earn some money; it may be in revenge or to publicise a business. Whatever the reason, it is almost always therapeutic to get it out and down on paper and if you are in business, then the publicity may be welcome.  

The following requests have been posted – there is a fee being paid: 

• ‘Having a career cost me my kids‘ – Daily Mail   
• Credit crunch and the impact on personal relationships  

The journalists we post here are liked and known to us and respected in the industry. We are happy to advise how you can best protect your position before you commit if you have any concerns. If you can help, follow the directions on the Story of a Journalist web-page.