6. How will I cope if I have to go to court?

Unfortunately some couples will only reach agreement by obtaining court orders argued for at court with or without legal representation. This is understandably worrying as most people have never been to court before and have no idea how they will react in such an alien place.

If you are preparing for a court hearing, how can you best prepare for a court appearance and obtain the best outcome? Just imagine - you've never been in court before. You don't know what to expect but images of legal wrangling and bitter disputes fill your head. You know there's a good chance you may break down. You may even forget your story because deep down, whilst you know you're right, you also know that if you lose, you'll lose a lot and you can't even bear to think about that.

Who supports the person in court? If they're lucky they'll find some support from:

• Family. But they'll be worried too and this may exacerbate feelings of anxiety.
• Friends. Have their friends been to court? If they have, what was the reason for the appearance? Was it similar? Are their platitudes designed to genuinely help their friend, or remove themselves from an uncomfortable situation?
• Their lawyer. They'll be focusing on the legal aspects.

Many people initially feel confident because they know they are 'right' not fully appreciating that they are going to court because the other side will also be confident about being 'right.' They don't realise that the judge has the unenviable task of deciding who is the most 'right' - based on the facts in front of the court. The reliability of these facts may be dependent on a witness giving clear, factual and honest answers to the questions.

Simple? It should be but many people are thrown by rigorous cross-examination which sows doubt as to the evidence in the mind of both the person being questioned - and the judge.

We provided Julian with support for his court appearances in 2007 after he told us 'I want to present myself in an attentive way; I need a best possible outcome.'

Although being in court isn't easy, people can learn techniques in advance to make the experience more comfortable. These include:

• Being better prepared in advance about court procedure.
• Familiarising themselves with the court in advance.
• Learning techniques to deal with emotions when they get flustered or confused e.g. knowing when to ask for questions to be repeated to give them time to think properly, or when to ask for a break before getting sidetracked or angry.

Because courts are an alien place for most people it is hardly surprising cases often fall down because of the under performance of the client on the day. People under-estimate how different they will feel. They expect their lawyer to help them but their lawyer will prepare their legal case, but isn't normally trained to help them prepare emotionally, or afterwards. How many people do you know who still hark back to a court hearing or litigation from which they haven't moved on? If they didn't 'perform' as well as expected they may continue to beat themselves up, unable to put it behind them.

Afterwards our client Julian said: 'It calmed me down..and helped me feel better about my legal case.'

If you recognise a need for more help in court than your lawyer is able to give, or of you are managing your own case, then itsMYdivorce offers help and support for anyone facing a court appearance to improve their performance in court and their chances of success. Coaching is focused on the personal experience in court, how the individual and their family are affected by it and how to cope with the process. It provides them with techniques that prepare them emotionally, psychologically and physically for a court appearance.

It's important to note that we prepare clients for their experience in court and we undertake not to discuss the evidence or detail of the case at any time.