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How Do I Divorce?

We didn't promise magic wands at our How to Successfully Split workshop on Saturday 27 October in Hampton, London, we offered a unique collaboration of divorce professionals and workshop participants looking for cost-effective support and answers through marital breakup. I have to admit I didn't know quite what to expect in advance but I was delighted that my gut feeling that we were fulfilling an unfulfilled need was proved right - by feedback from both attendees and my wonderful co-presenters and facilitators.

Bookings were slow initially, I expected that. Where has there been a 'divorce workshop' before? And what is a 'divorce workshop' anyway? You can read more here on our blog.

And here on our webpage including how to reserve your place at the next on 23 February. We are also planning How to Successfully Split the Finances workshops in January and February - sign up for our newsletter to be kept up to date.

If you are searching for answers and are stuck and unable to reach West London (and Hampton is easily reached from Central London, the M4, M3 and M25 and A3) then you might be interested in our eCourse, also called How to Successfully Split. This is a 7 part eCourse sent over 2 weeks which really helps readers to think about where they are in the relationship breakdown and how to progress. It’s based on the eCourse available last year called ‘Become Your Own Divorce Coach’ which many readers found immensely helpful in answering the 1001 questions which crop up in divorce and which aren’t readily answered elsewhere.

Read more about the eCourse here.

Many of the attendees at the workshop were unaware of the range of inexpensive (and in some cases free) services offered by MiD (Mediation in Divorce) based in Twickenham. MiD are affiliated to National Family Mediation a not for profit organisation which offers ‘all-issues’ mediation to people whose relationships are breaking up and their families. This is a cost-effective service for couples to make joint decisions about their separate futures, the children, finances, property and other important matters.  You can read more about the very worthwhile (and not so well known) services they offer by clicking the links above. One of their services is a children’s counselling service, which is free.  

I was heartened to learn that children are very much encouraged to be part of the mediation process so that their wishes, needs and wants are brought into the open. Whilst we all - the law and all parents I speak to - agree that the children’s interests are paramount, in practice they are overlooked as their parents fight for their own survival. Part 6 of the eCourse ‘How to Successfully Split’ asks questions designed to raise awareness in the reader as to whether they are fully engaged with their children’s anxieties over the family breaking up and how they might better address them.

‘Raising Happy Children for Dummies’

Sue Atkins author of the book ‘Raising Happy Children for Dummies’ and founder of Positive Parents writes in her book:

A bad marriage can make parenting – and life in general – stressful. The loss of the family structure can be very upsetting and distressing for everyone involved in the major change.

Despite divorce being on the increase around the world, parents often feel at a loss when searching for practical support. They also feel overwhelmed, confused, afraid, resentful, or completely frozen in panic about how to handle the changes in their family’s way of life.

Sometimes this fear manifests itself as animosity, which turns the whole divorce process into a battle, with children trapped in the middle and feeling powerless.

Divorce needn’t be like this. Parents can make positive, healthy choices during this very emotional time and make the transition less painful for everyone.

Divorce isn’t about winners and losers. It’s about working out a way to handle the separation with dignity and compassion and minimising the disruption to your children emotionally.

Sue’s section ‘Navigating Through Divorce’ in her book offers numerous approaches and strategies for making the experience of divorce as positive and healthy as possible. We have reproduced it with Sue’s kind permission as an article on our website here called ‘Raising Happy Children for Dummies’ – Coping with Divorce.

‘Life Beyond Divorce: Creating the Best Life for Your Children’

We are also delighted to have permission from Jeni Hooper, Child Psychologist and Parent Coach and founder of Happy2Learn to print her article ‘Life Beyond Divorce: Creating the Best Life for Your Children.’

Jeni writes:

Emotional highs and lows are to be expected. Adapting to life changes can’t be rushed but can be supported. Children do find the emotional highs and lows hard to understand without adult help. Think of emotion as a message. We can use this emotional feedback as a call to action to solve problems. Learn to ride the emotional roller coaster and know how to deal with strong and unwelcome feelings.

Children will cope with life’s setbacks when they feel truly loved by at least one person. When parents separate, children are aware, perhaps for the first time that love can end. This is very frightening. Children worry that their parents will stop loving them too, they need to hear repeatedly that this will not happen.

·         Let your child know why they are loveable. Saying I love you is great but telling them exactly how they are brilliant gives your child a real sense of who they are.

·         Give praise for effort as well as achievement. Children who are praised mainly for achievement can wonder if that is what is important to you.

·         Encourage your child to notice self improvement. Comparing what they can do today compared with last month gives a real sense of progress.

·         Let your child tell you what is loveable about you. Learning to both give and receive love is an important life skill.

Click here to read this article which gives us a psychological take on how to create an emotionally healthy family environment.

Female Divorcee found for Woman’s Own

When Becky Sheaves, a popular freelance journalist contacted me asking if I could help in her quest for help with a feature she was writing for Woman’s Own - she was hoping to interview a woman who’s been through divorce and is now feeling somewhat better about her life and her future - I volunteered.

Becky’s story ‘Suddenly Single’ started from the break-up recently of two well-known people's long-term relationships: Claire Sweeney and Anne Robinson and their respective partners. Carol Vorderman apparently relishes her time apart from her long term partner this year: ‘Carol insists that being 46 and single isn’t a negative experience in the slightest’ writes Becky.

I'll be posting a link soon to the feature in last week's copy of Woman’s Own featuring yours truly and how I’m ‘fireproof’ and ‘nothing scares me.’ And Becky’s right, I can’t think of anything right now that does scare me! J

A Cool Challenge

Gabriella became a client last year and emerged from her divorce this summer with a mission to ‘inspire others to get back in contact with themselves..’

London & SE England events

Through Divorce & Beyond Support Forum – Twickenham, Wed 14 November 6.15pm – 8.0pm. £5 bookable in advance

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