Divorce Coaching :: FAQ's

1. What is divorce coaching?
2. I want to get divorced but why can't I conduct my own divorce or appoint a lawyer?
3. Shouldn't I consult a lawyer if my marriage is breaking down? How much will it cost?
4. Are you offering a low cost alternative to appointing a lawyer to progress my separation and divorce?
5. Is The Divorce Coach a lawyer?
6. Is The Divorce Coach a therapist or counsellor?
7. So what approach can I expect The Divorce Coach take?
8. How is this achieved?
9. What qualities and experience might I expect from The Divorce Coach?
10. Does The Divorce Coach give advice?
11. What are the ‘certain rules’ The Divorce Coach will observe?
12. What are the key reasons people will seek your services?
13. Should I not just remain within the marriage?
14. What will it mean to me to have your services?
15. Can The Divorce Coach help me? Any insights to share?  

1. What is divorce coaching?

Divorce coaching is practical support and emotional understanding which enables clients to collect up all the threads if their marriage is breaking down, tie them altogether and move on with support from people who know what to do and how to go about it. By using our services people find answers faster and more cost effectively at a time when their lives are often falling apart.

Put simply, for those facing or going through a divorce or ending another long-term relationship, it's a cost and time efficient way of finding the balance between the divorce process and getting on with the rest of their lives.

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2. I want to get divorced but can't I conduct my own divorce myself or appoint a lawyer to do it?

The choice is yours - click here to find out what your options in divorce are. If you are in agreement with your partner or don't have children or very much to divide, the least expensive route is to conduct your own divorce.

But where the situation is more complicated, eg. where there are children in the marriage, more property or disagreement, conducting your own divorce can turn out to be time consuming and ultimately costly in terms of being forced to settle for less because perhaps you can't afford to fight for more, or you may not know how to ask for more.

Many people simply can't spare the time to deal with everything themselves. Emotions can get in the way, preventing best possible outcomes from being achieved. Most people facing divorce seek an initial legal opinion but with the high cost of legal help it's simply out of the reach of many people to appoint lawyers. This can be a real worry if they are concerned about inflaming already delicate relationships with (ex) partners or if they suspect it could end up on a litigious path where the family's assets could be seriously reduced.

There are very many options and it makes sense to find out as much about the choices available - as well as the pitfalls - preferably before you start and certainly at a very early stage of marital breakdown, when there are far more options available.  

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3. Shouldn't I consult a lawyer if my marriage is breaking down? How much will it cost?

It's impossible to estimate how much a divorce will cost, financially or emotionally but your lawyer should be able to give you some guidelines. It's in your best interests to consult a lawyer at an early stage and preferably at tricky or key stages throughout, but not everyone can afford - or wishes - to appoint a lawyer to manage the whole process.

Whether you chose to appoint lawyers for 'everything' (but still use our services for feedback and emotional support) or go down the 'DIY' route (where you manage your own separation and/or divorce) we can usually help. The Divorce Coach services bridge the gap between crying on a friend's shoulders (hoping their experiences and advice is good for you - beware, it often isn't) and appointing a legal team to manage 'everything' only to realise too late that this is simply not what you engage your lawyer for. 

For people who use our services - whether it's 1:2:1 support, attending our workshops or subscribing to our self help courses - it often comes as a breakthrough to discover they can take control themselves and make their own decisions with practical and emotional support and signposting from The Divorce Coach.

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4. Are you offering a low cost divorce alternative to appointing a lawyer to progress my separation and divorce?

Yes, The Divorce Coach hourly services are certainly less expensive than lawyers, but they are not legal services. 

The Divorce Coach Services complement services offered by divorce professionals and help you to take control yourself and make your own decisions. After all, you know more about your family and your own situation than any lawyer can learn in a few hours of information gathering.

It is in your best interests to seek legal advice for your situation, but many people - including lawyers - also agree it's best to also seek the help of other divorce professionals, including divorce coaches, to ensure you make the best decisions in all aspects of your split. These decisions will affect the way you build your new life and that of any family you may have.

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5. Is The Divorce Coach a lawyer?

No, we cannot provide legal services but we can direct you to the best people who can, depending on your situation and the kind of legal services you are seeking and we have a family lawyer at our workshops to give an expert legal perspective.

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6. Is The Divorce Coach a therapist or counsellor?

No, we are not healers, nor do we provide counselling services but we can signpost you to these if need be.

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7. So what approach can I expect The Divorce Coach take in 1:2:1 services?

We will encourage you to think about the present and the future with the focus on where you are right now. We will make sure you know the answer to the question "Is the marriage really over?" We will discuss what realistic goals are possible and how you can reach them, who can help you, how you can create change and move forwards at least cost emotionally and financially.

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8. How is this achieved?

By working together we prioritise and develop a bespoke action plan which will enable you to locate the resources you need and find the best solutions. By regularly reviewing and seeing progress with the plan, you will gain in confidence as you move forwards, whilst minimising divorce related stress by gaining a better understanding of the divorce process. 

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9. What qualities and experience might I expect from The Divorce Coach?

• Personal experience of dealing with the fears you are facing as you confront what it is you are leaving, whilst not knowing what you are getting into.
• Accreditation as a Life and Executive Practitioner Coach and accreditation with the European Coaching Institute, the primary accreditation and standards body for coaches throughout Europe.
• Professional support from Noble Manhattan (one of the UK's leading Personal and Corporate Development companies.)
• Hands on experience of dealing with the family legal process, particularly the nuts and bolts of the family courts. 
• Experience of dealing with lawyers in a number of different scenarios and courts.
• Empathy with the disorder and confusion which may prevent you from thinking clearly and awareness of how this may adversely affect your children.
• Recognition that clients often need to be - but are rarely able, without help, to be - one step ahead. This is especially valuable in a 'messy' divorce to circumvent manipulation and procrastination.
• Links to a wide variety of professional help recommended by clients, eg. family mediators, lawyers, financial consultants, relationship coaches and counsellors, divorce recovery organisations and more.

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10. Does The Divorce Coach give advice?

No, we don't give advice but we can make suggestions if that is appropriate. We support clients in taking the actions to achieve their (realistic) goals.  We can do this by signposting to other sources of help if it will save time and money or it is needed to further the legal process. By helping the client see what it is they need to do - which can often be the very things they can't see themselves without help - they move forward faster, with less stress  and wasted time and money.  

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11. What are the 'certain rules' The Divorce Coach will observe?

• The law states children's interest come first.
• You have to recognise a need for change (even if you don't really want to go there right now!) 
• You know (sometimes deep down) you need to take the action to support your goals and reach them.
• Communication with your spouse is encouraged at all levels especially where children are concerned.

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12. What are the key reasons people will seek The Divorce Coach services?

• They know they need to do something about their marriage but they don't know what to do or how to go about it.
• Their spouse has recently left them and they don't know what to do.
• They want to get divorced or are being divorced and are intimidated by all the details.
• They know they have to get divorced, or they are being divorced, but they are put off doing anything about it by lawyers' fees, or they can't afford legal fees.
• They are going through separation and divorce and need someone to talk to who understands what they are going through and can act as a catalyst to help them to reach their target.
• They know they need to talk to a lawyer but don't know which one to choose or can't afford the fees.
• They have a lawyer but still feel intimidated by the legal process and the other issues they are facing.
• Their lawyer is not always available when they need to talk and/or they would like someone to talk to their lawyer for them.
• They don't know if they're making the right decisions and they want someone who has 'been there' to help them decide.
• They want to get through their separation and divorce with as little pain to their family and themselves so they can move on with their life but they feel they are losing control or making no headway.
• They want to find out whether they can afford to divorce and what the financial implications are.

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13. Should I not just remain within the marriage?

You may know already that you have to leave your marriage to preserve your own well being. If however, you are uncertain and if you have the choice, then there may very well be grounds for staying in the marriage and seeking relationship counselling or coaching. Click here to read more about help for couples in our article  'What's the difference between relationship counselling and coaching?'

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14. What will it mean to me to have The Divorce Coach services?

You will work at resolving your long term relationship problems from professional people - many of whom have 'been there' themselves - knowing you are moving towards the day when it won't be the most stressful thing in your life. The Divorce Coach Services offer you an option tailored to your circumstances and budget, aimed at saving you money and moving you more efficiently towards your goals as you become a single person once more.

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15. Can The Divorce Coach help me?

You may have looked at the options and given up when confronted by the bewildering hurdles and expense which have to be faced. To find out how our 1:2:1 services can help you and what you can do next, why don't you make an initial free of charge enquiry by e-mail, or book a 30 minute consultation (which costs £50) by clicking here? 

Alternatively you could purchase our inexpensive (£35) self-help course 'How To Successfully Split' which will give you tools and information to make the process easier and cheaper.

If you are unsure whether divorce coaching is for you, subscribe to the Breakup Angels newsletter for tips and techniques (with an upbeat slant, naturally :)) or to our FREE self-help course 'Simple Steps to save serious Money in Divorce' Or click here to read what our clients have said about the help they have received from us.

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'Positive Thinking will Let you Do Anything Better Than Negative Thinking Will' Zig Ziglar

At The Divorce Coach we believe results happen faster when clients know what they want and they are focus on getting it (provided certain rules are followed, see above) - that way they act out of strength, not weakness, and are more likely to be successful.