Mediation Case

Bella and Steven found themselves contemplating divorce when their marriage of eleven years was on the rocks. Steven, an accountant, persuaded Bella to attend relationship counselling hoping she would see the error of her ways. Bella agreed, hoping that they would both gain insights into the reasons for the breakdown, enabling them to improve their relationship. What in fact happened was that they both realised, sadly, that neither of them was prepared to change to accommodate the other – their marriage was on the rocks because they had simply grown too far apart over the years.

Bella was desperately unhappy in her marriage and knew she had to split, but was at a loss as to how to begin, let alone how to achieve a best possible divorce. She felt drained by her job as a Dental Nurse as well as mother of a son and daughter, aged 5 and 7, and ground down by her unhappy marital situation with a domineering husband. She had no funds for a solicitor except to obtain basic legal advice.

On a friend's recommendation she consulted The Divorce Coach. The first session with the coach enabled her to clarify what it was that she needed - a strategy designed to obtain the best possible outcome for herself, whilst putting their children's needs foremost. For Bella, this meant separating with little blame attached to the other party or each other, and divorcing two years later. Before the second session with the coach, Bella consulted a solicitor for some basic legal advice around the financial settlement and how best to make provision for their children.  

In subsequent coaching sessions Bella was able to give vent to some of the worries she felt were adversely affecting the children, rather than let them spill over at home. She discussed with the coach how best to approach the issues she needed to address regarding her separation and how she might persuade her husband to attend family mediation sessions. With the help of the coach and an independent financial adviser she compiled financial forms which calculated the family's net worth and their monthly expenditure, the sort of task she would hitherto have left to her husband. She began to see how the finances could be divided into two, even though her husband was telling her otherwise. When he put a ludicrous settlement to her, she was able to firmly reject it, knowing that it did not represent the full picture.

After further coaching sessions she was able to spell out the options to her husband:

1. They go to court and spend money they needed to re-house themselves on legal bills.

2. They do nothing and sooner one or other of them would crack up, or leave home, and run the risk of the children being traumatized.

3. Or they both attend family mediation.

She was thus able to persuade her husband to try family mediation. She had the family's financial figures to hand and she was able to follow what was being discussed and make useful contributions in support of her own case despite some opposition from her husband.

After six sessions of family mediation they were able to draw up an agreement before they physically parted. For Bella it represented a major breakthrough as it enabled her to see what compromises had to be made before they parted and how they expected the other to behave. But above all, she saw that they could successfully separate, something she could not hitherto see happening.

Steven now recognises that equipped with the agreement reached in family mediation they are both committed to, because they both contributed to it and they are more likely to retain a cordial relationship. As a good father he knows how important this is for his children's well-being. “I am so glad now that Bella had divorce coaching from the beginning' he concedes ‘To be honest, I would never have considered it, but it got us into family mediation, where we were able to thrash out an agreement which wouldn't otherwise have been possible and it saved us money on legal fees.” 

Click  here to learn how The Divorce Coach can help you achieve a best possible divorce.